


It Gets Better

by AWritersLife



Category: Glee
Genre: Because we all need Klaine in our lives, Bullying, Happy Ending, It Gets Better, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, The Trevor Project, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-10-05
Packaged: 2017-11-15 16:27:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/529267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AWritersLife/pseuds/AWritersLife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt returns to school after Nationals, only to run into a much worse bullying problem than he had before Karofsky came along.</p><p>Can he take it, or can't he?</p><p>Set in Season 2, post-finale </p><p>Trigger Warning: Mentions of suicide, suicide attempt, and general angst</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kurt

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on DeviantArt under my account, XxLive-Love-WritexX/InEternalDarkness

I really thought I could do it. I mean, going to Nationals—spending time in New York, singing on a real Broadway stage—I was sure I could power through the rest. I'd been sure I could jump right back to the way I so easily brushed off the Neanderthal behavior because they were all so far below me…

I don't think I ever imagined it would get worse. That it could, even.

But it did. At first, they'd calmed down. Then there was prom, and that was horrifying on its own, but subtle, most of the school and not a few choice jocks. Then the catastrophe at Nationals happened, and somehow—my suspicions were directed toward a few certain cheerleaders and their coach—the whole story had gotten out. If there was ever such a thing as a blacklist on the high school popularity charts, we were definitely at the top.

But I digress. These bullies—as I said, just a few, always the same ones—looked for any chance to push me around and into lockers, knock books out of my arms… let alone their old favorite pastime of tossing me into the dumpster whenever they could corner me there. But the physicality of it wasn't as bad as the rest, as whispered words, anonymous text messages (and I didn't even know how they got my number), private messages on Facebook started to appear.

_Fag._

_Lady._

_You deserve to die, freak._

Glee club was barely a sanctuary anymore. I couldn't tell anyone anything. Not Finn, not Mr. Shue, not even Mercedes… and definitely not Blaine, who was still at Dalton. It seemed like I had gone back in time—except for dating Blaine, of course…. but this time around, I was a lot better at hiding it.

The bullies came up with a new routine of waiting outside the school for me to show up, catching me every morning before class started. They were getting smarter, sneakier about where they hit and kicked me. All of the bruises appeared in places I didn't dare show… Death threats started again as well, and not just for me—for my "fag pansy of a boyfriend" too. I had this horrible feeling that they'd go after Blaine if I told anyone the truth. They'd probably go after him, anyway, if they saw him. It was my fault for taking him to prom, giving them another target for their hatred.

I couldn't let it happen. I couldn't give them Blaine.

So I stayed quiet.

I'd been trying to figure out what to do, realizing I was already late to class and in too much pain to really care anymore. I was dirty from that morning's beating, a rip in my pants and a new gash in my leg. I didn't even bother trying to hide it. Who would look at my legs anyway?

"Hey Kurt!"

I nearly jumped out of my skin, sure for a moment that the bullies had decided to extend their time with me… but then I remembered that none of them ever called me Kurt. I turned around to see Noah Puckerman running up to me.

I barely had time to even wonder what the hell he was doing before he spoke again. "Ya late again?" What was this? Concern? No way. "Is everything okay?"

I sighed. "Do you need something, Noah? Because if I didn't know you, it'd look like you actually care…" Yes, I knew I was being rude and maybe, maybe there was a small chance that he was actually being nice for a change, but I wasn't willing to bet on it. I still remembered all the times he'd been one of the bullies throwing me into the dumpster like I was trash.

"Don't flatter yourself, Hummel." Well, at least I read him right. "I just wanted you to tell me if anyone needed some 'Puckster-talk.'"

 _… Puckster-talk?_ "Eh… not really, I just…" I searched for an excuse, any excuse to use, not that he cared… though I did wonder why he was asking. "… forgot my phone in the car, and…"

"Is that where you tore your pants?" He raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"I… stumbled…" I mumbled, knowing he was seeing through the façade I'd built up so high—or so I thought—since the bullying had started up again.

"… Got your coat dirty and hit your head too, sure." Puck snorted.

"Yes, it was a misfortune," I said, my tone getting defensive. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out. "Everything's oka—"

I cut off, staring at my phone at the message—once again, anonymous so I had no idea where it came from… I shuddered. Accompanying a picture of me in the dumpster—from the day before, judging by my outfit—were two texts: _looky!_ and _ready to die, fag?_

I barely heard Puck's "reasoning" that he was trying to tell me, unable to look away from my phone… until he started to shout. "Holy shit! What the fuck?! Kurt, tell me it's not your locker! … Is it?"

I looked up, blushing and putting my phone away. There, in bright red paint… FAG. For an accent, there was a smaller word, die, also painted on cruelly.

"Um… yeah… It is," I muttered, quickly moving away from him. "But it's none of your business!"

"What the hell, Hummel?!" Puck shouted after me. I didn't look back. I can't imagine he could have, or would have, helped me. He didn't know what it was like. This was beyond bullying. The Neanderthals were becoming more advanced, more powerful. I couldn't subject Blaine to this. To _them._

I had to protect him.

I had to force out of my head all thought of trying to get him to transfer to McKinley. As I made my way outside, I pulled out my phone again. _Blaine… I'm sorry. We can't be together anymore._ I closed my eyes as my finger settled on the send button. Would I do it? Could I?

I pressed the button, wiping away the tears that escaped. It had to happen. I loved him. I loved him much too much and I couldn't keep him in danger like that.

"Kurt? Are you crying?"

I opened my eyes, pausing as I saw Brittany. "Oh… Hey Brittany. No, I'm not crying… it's this damn near-summer weather giving me allergies."

"Is something wrong? Your face…"

"It's nothing," I muttered, looking down when my phone vibrated. It was Blaine.

_Kurt, what are you talking about? What happened?_

I shuddered. "Look, Brittany, if Blaine comes around, promise me you won't tell him I went home. It's really important and I just want to be alone right now."

"I promise…" She blinked. "But…" She trailed off, staring at something over my shoulder. I turned around to see three of the usual bullies that harassed me. Without a second thought, I took off. My phone vibrated again and I looked down as I burst through the doors of the school.

_Kurt? Please answer me! Are you alright? Did something happen to you? I'm coming to talk to you. You're at school, right?_

More tears escaped, but I kept running. They chased me out towards the dumpsters. Luckily, I'd parked close enough to them—I'd planned this just last night, taking new clothes for when I needed to change out of the garbage-smelling ones. I tried to run faster, hoping that I could at least find some sanctuary in my car… and maybe run over them…

My phone slipped out of my hand and fell. I heard it shatter and left it. I didn't have time, and it was useless now anyway.

The few seconds it took me to open my car door gave the bullies time to catch up, and one grabbed me by the coat as I tried to scramble inside. When I heard the fabric rip—my new Alexander McQueen Asymmetrical jacket!—I couldn't help the reaction I had. My legs had a mind of their own, flailing out and just so happening to nail him right in the crotch. The resulting groan of pain gave me some grim satisfaction and I escaped into my mini-sanctuary, locking all the doors.

I pulled my keys out of my pocket and scrambled to start the car, afraid they would start breaking windows. I pulled out of the parking space quickly, making the bullies jump away in surprise and shock. I sped away, still afraid they would try to hurt this one small place I could escape them… physically, at least.

I started to catch my breath when I got out of the parking lot, tears falling faster and more freely now. How long would I be able to handle this? How long did they expect me to last? I didn't want to give them the satisfaction of scaring me away again… but something was going to give, and soon. I could feel it in my brain, in every one of my thoughts.

I closed my eyes and shuddered at a certain thought that came up in my mind, pushing it away and heading home. With all the things I was capable of, that _thought…_

I couldn't possibly commit suicide. Killing myself would only show a final weakness.

But as I drove, I couldn't help but think… _Would it?_


	2. Blaine

I'd never felt so angry… so _betrayed!_ It had been bad enough that Kurt had chosen to return to McKinley… I'd accepted that he would be happier there. I thought that he would be happy there! But I could tell, even before this damned text, that he wasn't really happier. He was worse. He was distant and he wasn't even bragging about how good of a time he'd had in New York like I expected him to.

And then the text… No, something wasn't right. I wasn't letting it end like this. He wasn't the type to break up over the phone. I didn't think so, anyway…

I ran into the New Directions' practice room, hardly giving thought that McKinley's security was really mild, or that I was interrupting their meeting. "Hey! Guys! Is Kurt here? I have to talk to him." 

"Blaine?" They all looked shocked, but it was Finn who spoke up. "Calm down! What happened?"

_"Calm down?!_ I can't! Kurt broke up with me through a god-damned message today! So you tell me what happened!" I grabbed his arm. "Where is he?"

"What?" Finn blinked, pulling away. "Like… Whoah, dude! Are… are you sure it was Kurt?" He frowned. "'Cause he's, like, totally into you."

"Yeah, Blaine…" Quinn tilted her head. "Do you realize Kurt'd rather die than…" She trailed off, glancing at Finn, not finishing that thought. "… Anyway, he's not here, as you can see…"

I shook my head. Something was going on. Something they weren't telling me about… My anger was slowly melting into worry. Had something happened to Kurt? Surely they would tell me…

"But we can help you find him…" Brittany spoke up, interrupting my thoughts. She looked up at Finn. "I saw Kurt. He made me promise not to tell Blaine he went home."

"What?" I blinked. Kurt was at home. He… didn't want me to know? I sighed and shook it off. I'd figure out that part later. Knowing he was okay was my main priority. "'Kay, thanks Brittany!"

I ran out again, taking a shorter route to get back outside… But I stopped short when I saw the locker. _FAG… die…_ It felt like a lifetime before I was able to look away, even though it probably took no more than a minute or two. Shaking that off for now, and wondering why the hell they'd wanted to keep from telling me about that. I headed to my car. I had to talk to Kurt. I had to know why he so suddenly wanted to break it off.

As I unlocked my car, I heard someone come up behind me. "Hey! Blaine! Wait a second…"

I turned around. "You're… Pucker—"

"Puck's fine. I heard you were around, so…" He pulled something out of his pocket. A phone… "I guess you'd want to see this… found it near the dumpsters…"

"But that's Kurt's phone!" I took it from him, staring at it. He was never without his phone, he'd told me so once. "How did he…? I don't get it. What's going on?! What's wrong with Kurt? Why doesn't he tell me anything?!" Why wasn't anyone telling me anything?

"Don't worry, man," Puck said, shaking his head. "I don't like this, but… we'll figure it out. C'mon, let's find m'boy!" _Wait, what?_ "Um… I mean, your man!"

I shook my head, deciding not to let that "m'boy" thing take up room like the rest of the crap in my head. I nodded toward the passenger seat before I opened the side I was on, sliding into the driver's seat while Puck took the other. "… Which way are the dumpsters?"

He pointed, and I headed off into that direction first, getting out of the car and just looking around. When I noticed the tire tracks on the pavement, I hopped back in the car and drove away.

"What were you doing?" Puck asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Checking to make sure Kurt's dead body wasn't in the dumpster," I muttered.

"… I woulda told you if I'd seen it," he muttered in return, snorting and looking out the window.

I rolled my eyes but didn't respond otherwise. The rest of the drive was mostly silent, except for the quiet sound of a turned-down radio—my radio, currently on a showtunes channel I'd found on Sirius that reminded me of Kurt.

Right as I drove up to the house, I saw a mailman walking away from the door. I pulled up in front of the house and shut the car off, hesitating for the first time since I'd read that text. Maybe Kurt had a good reason for not seeing me. Maybe he really did mean that we couldn't be together…

As if he knew my thoughts, Puck said, "Dude, you gotta try. If you love Kurt, and he loves the hell outta you, it'll work out." I looked at him, nodding my thanks as I got out of the car, running once more to get up to the door, knocking.

After a few moments, I heard someone coming to the door, Kurt's mom Carol's voice drifting faintly through the wood. "It better be Burt, or…" The door opened, and Carol's surprised face met us. "Oh, hello boys! It's so nice to see you! How can I—?"

"Mrs. Hummel," I interrupted. "Is… by any chance… Kurt here?"

She nodded, and I didn't give her time to speak before I ran in, glancing through open doors to try and find him, finally finding him in the kitchen. "Kurt!"

He looked over, shocked enough that he dropped a package that was in his hands. "B-Blaine? W-what're you doing here?"

"Oh, God!" I hurried toward him. "Are you hurt? Your phone—"

"W-what're you talking about?"

I didn't give myself time to answer, instead pulling him into a tight embrace, closing my eyes, feeling myself shaking. "I'm so happy you're okay…"

I didn't know how long we'd hugged like that, and I didn't hear Puck come in until he cleared his throat. "Um… Don't mind me guys... Not that I want to interfere or anything…"

"Sorry," I muttered, blushing and smiling weakly.

"But I think there's something Kurt'd like to share with us, am I right?"

Kurt pulled away, crossing one arm over his torso, eyes looking down. "I don't get it… What do you want from me? There's nothing going—"

"Stop this bullshit, princess!" Puck suddenly growled, moving closer to Kurt. I hesitated, wondering if he was about to hurt him. "I'm sure as hell you had a bruise on your forehead this morning! Just because you hide it with some makeup doesn't make it disappear!" He started rubbing at his forehead, the makeup coming off and revealing the bruise in question. "See? I knew it was still there!"

Suddenly—neither I nor, I think, Puck, expected it at all—Kurt shoved him away, making him stumble back and fall. The expression on Kurt's face… _haunted, defiant, guarded…_ My heart broke.

"Don't… touch me," he growled, his voice trembling.

"Kurt…" I said softly, trying to be soothing, reaching out to touch him.

But he dodged away. "Don't," he said. "I don't know why you're here, Blaine. I thought that text I sent was clear enough."

"No, actually, it wasn't," I said, the anger starting to come back, just a little. "That text message didn't tell me a damn thing and I want you to talk to me. I want to know what's going on, Kurt."

"Just like I told Puck, it's none of your damn business," he said flatly. "Now please—"

"What's this?" Puck spoke up, bending over to pick up a package on the floor—the one Kurt had dropped.

Quickly, Kurt grabbed the package away, glaring at him. "None. Of. Your. Business," he said through gritted teeth. "Both of you, leave. Now."

"Kurt…" I reached out and touched his shoulder.

Again, he jerked away, glaring at me now, tears in his eyes. "Blaine, get it through that thick skull of yours. I don't want to be with you anymore. I'm breaking up with you. Now leave."

I stared at him, at a loss. This… This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening.

Puck grabbed my arm gently and pulled me out of the room, seeming to understand that my world was crashing down around me.

I'm not sure how I drove him back to McKinley, or how I got back to Dalton. The next memory I had was of lying in my bed, my face buried in a pillow. I wasn't crying. I didn't have the emotion to cry. I was numb. More than that, I was completely, totally broken.

I loved Kurt Hummel.

And he didn't love me back.


	3. Kurt

I'd spent all weekend ignoring everyone. Blaine's texts and calls. My family's attempts to talk to me. I only came out of my room to go to the bathroom and to get food in the middle of the night when everyone else was asleep. The _thought_ wouldn't leave me alone. Now that I'd thought it, it kept coming up. I tried drowning it out with music, with my favorite showtunes mostly, but nothing was working. I tried not thinking at all, but it got stronger.

Still, I continued to push it away. It wasn't going to get me. I wasn't weak, I wasn't a coward. 

_Courage._

Blaine's voice in my head… That one word alone, whispered by a man I'd abandoned, helped me more than anything else. But I couldn't take back what I said. I couldn't lead him into danger. 

I loved him with all my heart, and… I just couldn't.

I forced myself to go to school Monday. I went through my classes silently, ignoring glances from people in Glee club. I ignored Mercedes when she tried to talk to me. My façade was falling, finally and completely, and I couldn't do a thing about it. I was losing touch, losing my grip on the world.

Even though I didn't believe in God, I prayed that whatever we were doing in Glee club would distract me.

As soon as the bell rang, Puck raised his hand. "Mr. Shue? I know we don't have any more competition this year and school's almost over, but I got something I wanna share with the class. Just something nice for the end of the year." 

Mr. Shuester blinked in surprise, but nodded. "There's no lesson plan this week, so take it away, Puck," he said, moving to sit down. 

Puck moved to the front, grabbing his guitar. I glanced around as he started strumming, spotting a few smiles. I tried but couldn't. I knew the song—everyone knew the song, anyone who knew anything about Disney probably knew the song—but… I just couldn't.  
  
"You've got a friend in me  
You've got a friend in me  
When the road looks rough ahead  
And you're miles and miles from your nice warm bed  
You just remember what your old pal said  
Boy, you've got a friend in me  
Yeah, you've got a friend in me."  
  
He glanced at me, and I knew what was going on in his head. He could sense something was still wrong. Maybe he could even guess what was continually going through my mind, making me hate myself and the fact that I'd thought it in the first place.

But it didn't matter. I didn't even really consider him a friend.  
  
"You've got a friend in me  
You've got a friend in me  
If you got troubles  
I got them too  
There isn't anything  
I wouldn't do for you  
We stick together, we can see it through  
'Cause you've got a friend in me  
Yeah, you've got a friend in me  
  
"Some other folks might be a little bit smarter than I am  
Bigger and stronger too  
Maybe  
But none of them  
Will ever love you  
The way I do  
It's me and you, boy."  
  
He glanced at me again. I looked away. Whatever he thought he was doing, he wasn't helping. If anything, he was making it worse. But I wouldn't let it happen. I wouldn't let this get to me.

I… just didn't know how to get away from a bully that was inside my head.  
  
"And as the years go by,  
Our friendship will never die  
You're gonna see it's our destiny  
You've got a friend in me  
You've got a friend in me  
Yea you've got a friend in me."  
  
He finished off the song and the applause started, most of the club smiling now… I chose to stay quiet and still, watching Mr. Shue go up to the front again. My decision made, I raised my hand before he could speak. "I also have something, Mr. Shue. If you don't mind."

"Of… course not Kurt. The floor's yours," he said with a nod, moving off again. I took a deep breath and moved down, heading for the piano, looking at the piano guy that always seemed to be there but I could never remember his name. 

"Can I use this?" I asked. He nodded and got up, moving to stand in the corner. I sat down and closed my eyes, knowing the song—like I knew most Broadway songs—by heart. I began to play, willing myself not to cry during this. If I cried, I would never forgive myself. I didn't want to show weakness, to the bullies, to my friends… to anyone. And yet… the song I chose…  
  
"How did I come to this?  
How did I slip and fall?  
How did I throw  
Half a lifetime away  
Without any thought at all?  
  
"This should have been my time  
It's over, it never began  
I closed my eyes to so much for so long  
and I no longer can..."  
  
The room was completely silent except for my singing. My eyes stung, but I kept the tears at bay.  
  
"I try to blame it on fortune  
Some kind of shift in a star  
But I know the truth  
And it haunts me  
It's flown just a little too far  
I know the truth  
And it mocks me  
I know the truth  
And it shocks me  
It's flown  
Just a little too far.  
  
"Why do I want him still?  
Why when there's nothing there?  
How to go on  
With the rest of my life  
To pretend I don't care  
  
"This should've been my time  
It's over-It never began  
I closed my eyes  
To so much for so long  
And I no longer can..."  
  
My voice faltered just a little, and I knew there was no use in holding it back. For all I knew, they already knew from Puck that I'd broken up with Blaine, that there was something I was hiding. My secret was catching up with me and I couldn't escape it.

But I had to. Nobody could find out about the bullies.

I had to keep Blaine safe.  
  
"I try to blame it on fortune  
Some kind of twist in my fate  
But I know the truth  
And it haunts me  
I learned it a little too late  
Oh I know the truth  
And it mocks me  
I know the truth  
And it shocks me  
I learned it a little too late  
Too late..."  
  
My voice broke on the last note and I pulled my hands away from the piano keyboard, keeping my eyes down as I walked quickly back to my seat to grab my bag, not even registering the scattered applause. I was almost out of the room when Mr. Shue caught up to me, grabbing my arm. 

"Kurt… Do we need to talk?"

"… No, Mr. Shue." I looked up at him. There was obvious concern on his face, and the longer he looked at me, the more worried he looked. Did I really look that far gone? That much to worry about? I wouldn't be surprised if it was just another teacher ploy to get me to talk without getting any actual reward.

"Are you sure—?"

"Positive." I pulled away from him and walked out of the room. 

I couldn't handle this anymore.

I couldn't handle anything.  
  
For the first time, I didn't push _that thought_ away. In a way, I embraced it.

The only question that was left was if I would be able to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs:  
> "You've Got a Friend in Me" - from Toy Story  
> "I Know the Truth" - from Aida
> 
> It's 1 in the morning. Fuck HTML formatting.


	4. Kurt/Blaine

I took the next two weeks to plan. I avoided everyone I could. I went walking most of the time when I was supposed to be at school. I couldn't face them. I couldn't let myself see what I was leaving behind. It would stop me. And I couldn't bear to see the bullies either. They'd pushed me to this point, over a ledge I couldn't catch on my way down.

I chose a day when I knew everyone would be out of the house, either at school or at work or out shopping. I put everything the bullies had sent me into a large box, added a letter, and sealed the box, writing Blaine's name on it, hoping he would do what I'd asked. After taking a few minutes to myself, I dug my phone—new, one I'd ordered myself, what I'd been waiting on really—out of my drawer, dialing Blaine's number to send him a text.

I expected it, but I wasn't crying as I sent the message.

_Tell everyone I'm sorry. I can't do it anymore.  
I love you. Forever.  
Goodbye. – Kurt_

~~  
 _Blaine_

Ever since I'd gone to Kurt's for the last time, I walked around in a daze. It was lucky that we didn't have any more competitions that the Warblers needed me to sing because I'd lost my muse. I could barely croak out the right notes. Most of the time, I stayed in my room. I did my homework. My grades were better than ever… and my heart was the worst it ever was.

It was in the middle of a Warblers meeting when I got the text. The room went quiet—they all knew something was going on, I'd told them everything that had happened. It was an unlisted number… but the second I saw Kurt's name at the end, I read over it again.

I stared at the words. _Tell everyone I'm sorry. I can't do it anymore. I love you. Forever. Goodbye._

"… I have to go," I said, standing up.

"Blaine?" Wes frowned in concern. He and David knew just how much this had affected me. They could tell. All of them could tell, but the two of them understood just how low I'd gone since the last time I saw Kurt. They knew whenever I texted him and he didn't text back.

And they understood now that something major had happened.

"He's… he's going to…"

David took the phone from my hand, looking down at it. "… I'll drive you."

~~  
 _Kurt_

I wasn't able to swallow the sleeping pills as easily as I'd hoped, but with enough effort, I finally got the damn things down my throat. I closed my eyes and, for a moment, considered what I was doing. Blaine's face appeared behind my eyelids. I opened my eyes, pushing all thoughts of him away. He would hate me for this. But the letter explained everything. They would pay, and he would be safe.

Saving him from them was a good enough reason to die, right?

I shook my head to clear it. I'd decided during my planning that I wasn't allowed to think. If I thought, I would end up asleep in my bed, not where I was planning.

I had to do this.

I'd thought long and hard about how I would do it. Cutting was too messy and bloody and painful, and so was shooting myself. Hanging myself… I shuddered at the thought of Dad finding me like that, and… with the…

No, I couldn't think about Dad either. Carole would be there for him, and so would Finn. If he knew the whole story—and would, if Blaine followed my directions—he would understand why I had to do what I was doing.

I stripped down to my underwear—no need getting designer clothes all ruined and waterlogged, but I didn't want to be found—and slid into the three-quarters-filled tub, closing my eyes. I could feel the sleeping pill starting to kick in, and I let myself think as I sank down into the water. I thought of the Glee club, and wondered what they would think of this. Mercedes would hate me. Santana or Lauren would probably make some snide comment.

Then there were the bullies. They would know it was their fault. What would they feel? Would they even care?

When I knew I was on the brink of sleep, when I slid fully under the water, I thought of Blaine. I let myself remember everything I could about him… but when my brain began to show me the nightmares, when I couldn't control what I was thinking, I freaked out. Still, I didn't move. I couldn't.

As unconsciousness finally took me, I thought I heard someone moving around upstairs, but one final thought came to my mind that had nothing to do with that.

_I love you, Blaine._

~~  
 _Blaine_

I got inside Kurt's house through a window that had been cracked just enough to get my fingers into. David followed me through the window, grunting as he hit the floor, but I was already heading downstairs into Kurt's room, looking around. He wasn't in there… Suddenly, it came to me that maybe he wouldn't do something at home. Maybe he would jump off a bridge… something that would either not mess him up too badly, or make it to where nobody would ever find him.

I shuddered at the thought. I couldn't bear any of this. He said he loved me. Why was he doing this?!

I noticed a box on his bed, and moving towards it I saw it had my name on it. Frowning, wondering if it would have a clue as to why he was doing this, where he was, I pulled out my key to rip the tape and open it.

"Blaine," David said quietly. I looked up. I hadn't even noticed that he'd followed me down. He was in the doorway of the bathroom.

I pushed past him and saw what he was staring at. I'm not sure what the sound was that came out of me as I ran forward and pulled Kurt out, shouting at David to call 9-1-1 as I checked for a pulse and began CPR.

I tried not to panic when I couldn't find a pulse, trying to remember the training I'd had long ago. Plug the nose, breath in the mouth, make the chest rise… It wasn't until I heard sirens that he started breathing on his own again, when his body involuntarily coughed up the water in his lungs.

I rode with him to the hospital, calling his parents. I could barely explain what was going on, and only told them that they should go to the hospital because that was where Kurt and I were headed. I hung up before they could ask. I couldn't deal with anything else.

I grabbed Kurt's hand, squeezing it, trying to will him back into consciousness. "C'mon, Kurt," I whispered. "I love you. Please. Come back to me."

~~  
 _Kurt_

I've never believed in Heaven, or God, or anything like that.

But either it was a dream, or I was actually in Heaven. I wasn't sure which, and that scared me. If it was only a dream, that meant I was still alive, and this cloudy place didn't really exist, proving my theory… and also making me think I believed just a little more than I thought I would.

If I was in Heaven… Why was I in Heaven? Wasn't there that whole thing about non-believers going to Hell? Not to mention I was gay…

I heard someone coming up behind me and, wondering how I could hear footsteps on clouds, turned around and froze.

She was as beautiful as ever. Even moreso than I remembered, than child's eyes understood. Maybe it was the fact that she was glowing, that—if I wasn't mistaken—she had white, fluffy wings that quite suited her.

"Kurt." Her voice sounded the same, and… her smile…

I couldn't help myself. I ran toward her, tugging her into an embrace. "Mom," I whispered, tears already starting to fall as I snuggled into the warmth I remembered so well, even with the years that had passed. "You're here. Mom, I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too, baby," she cooed, an arm wrapping tightly around me, the hand on her other arm stroking my hair like she always used to. I nestled closer to her, feeling like I was seven years old again.

I looked up at her, smiling. Seeing her again… it made everything worth it. I could stay like this forever with her.

"You can't stay, Kurt," she whispered. She knew what I was thinking? "It isn't your time."

"Maybe it is." I looked up at her. "Maybe I was meant to do it so I could be with you."

"And leave your father behind?" She frowned. "Not to mention all your friends… and Blaine." She chuckled at whatever expression was on my face. "Yes, Kurt, I know about Blaine. And I know you love him." She brushed my bangs to the side. "And I know he loves you. He saved you from trying to save him."

I frowned. "Mom, I had to…"

"I know, honey," she murmured, stroking my cheek with her thumb, wiping tears away. "But like I said, it's not your time. I know it isn't. You have to go back to him."

"But Mom—"

"No buts." She kissed my cheek and pulled away, pausing and tilting her head, giving a slow smile. "Listen."

I eyed her, but closed my eyes and listened.

"I've been alone  
Surrounded by darkness  
I've seen how heartless  
The world can be

"I've seen you crying  
You felt like it's hopeless  
I'll always do my best  
To make you see

"Baby, you're not alone  
'Cause you're here with me  
And nothing's ever gonna bring us down  
Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you  
And you know it's true  
It don't matter what'll come to be  
Our love is all we need to make it through..."

Tears came to my eyes. "Blaine…"

"Go back to him," Mom whispered, running a hand through my hair. "He needs you."

"Now I know it ain't easy  
But it ain't hard trying  
Every time I see you smiling  
And I feel you so close to me  
And you tell me…"

"… I love you, Mom," I whispered, knowing she was right.  
"I love you too." She smiled, slowly fading away.

~~  
 _Blaine_

We had been in the hospital for hours that felt like lifetimes, and I had finally made a decision. I was doing the only thing I could think of doing. I was singing by the bedside of the boy I loved. I was trying to bring him back.

"Baby, you're not alone  
'Cause you're here with me  
And nothing's ever gonna bring us down  
Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you  
And you know it's true  
It don't matter what'll come to be  
Our love is all we need to make it through..."

I almost stopped when the monitors started beeping, when his body shifted. But I kept going, more emotion coming into my voice now, I could tell. I was finally getting back to my old self. And he was coming back.

And I loved him.

"I still have trouble  
I trip and stumble  
Trying to make sense of things sometimes  
I look for reasons  
But I don't need 'em  
All I need is to look in your eyes…"

Almost as if on cue, his eyes fluttered open, looking at me. I smiled at him, reaching out to touch his cheek. I couldn't help it. He was alive. I could see it with my own eyes.

"And I realize

"Baby I'm not alone  
Cause you're here with me  
And nothing's ever gonna take us down  
Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you  
And you know it's true  
It don't matter what'll come to be  
Our love is all we need to make it through, ooh

"Cause you're here with me  
And nothing's ever gonna bring us down  
Cause nothing, nothing, nothing can keep me from lovin' you  
And you know it's true  
It don't matter what'll come to be  
You know our love is all we need  
Our love is all we need to make it through..."

I trailed off, moving to pull him into a hug, ignoring the protests of the nurses. "Don't ever do that to me again," I mumbled, burying my face in his neck.

"I won't," he whispered, hugging me back as best as he could with all the wires and monitors hooked up to him. "I love you, Blaine. I'm so sorry for what I did."

"I know." I smiled, looking at him. "I love you too, Kurt. Forever."


	5. Blaine

I kept my head down as I waited in the New Directions' practice room. With the help of Wes and David, the Warblers all knew what had happened and understood that I wouldn't be in the meeting. I'd emailed all my teachers to inform them I wouldn't be in class. The doctors assured me the night before that Kurt would be okay, but they wanted to keep him for a few days anyway, just in case. Burt and Carole were staying with him. I wasn't sure what Finn had decided, whether he was at school or not, but I did know he'd promised not to tell any of the New Directions about what had happened.

I looked up when Mr. Schuester came in, sighing to myself as I stood up. "Did you get my email?"

"Yes." He nodded, giving a sigh and frowning. "I got a few emails last night about Kurt… And first of all, I want to say I'm really sorry for what happened. I like your idea, though, and I think the rest of the club will as well, not to mention Kurt."

I nodded. "I already talked with his parents. They want to be in it as well… And I think the Warblers and New Directions should collaborate. Both groups love Kurt, and I think it would mean a lot to him and to them."

Mr. Schue nodded, just as the bell rung. "As far as I know, nobody in New Directions knows what happened to Kurt, except for Finn obviously. Now, I can tell them…"

"I'll tell them." I nodded.

"… Are you sure?"

"Yeah." I nodded again. "I can do this. It should be me… I was the one that found him, after all…"

He eyed me, but nodded. "Alright… but if you need help, don't hesitate to ask."

"Of course," I murmured as the bell rang, moving to sit down at the piano and wait for the New Directions to come in. I caught a few curious glances, and I understood, but I stayed quiet until they were all there… sans Finn and Kurt.

"Guys, I know you're all wondering why Blaine is here," Mr. Schuester said as soon as everyone was settled down. "And… he's here to tell you."

I nodded, standing up. "Yesterday… I got a text from Kurt," I started, seeing a few of them blink in surprise. So he hadn't been ignoring only me, hadn't sent anyone his new number. I hesitated before I pulled out my phone to bring up the text, reading it off. "'Tell everyone I'm sorry. I can't do it anymore.'"

A few intakes of breath sounded around the room. Some of them understood, at least. "I left school and went to his house… The door was locked, so I had to get in from a window. Another Warbler and I… found Kurt…"

I lost my voice, my mouth dry as I remembered what it looked like. "… We called 9-1-1 and I performed CPR and he ended up okay. He's in the hospital right now, but they said they should be releasing him in a few days."

"Why?" Mercedes said, looking confused and hurt. "Why would he do this?"

"He left me a note… as well as a box of things I believe some people at this school have been sending him in the mail." I pulled the letter out of my pocket, only reading the parts I'd highlighted. They didn't need to hear the whole thing. "'Nobody knows that, after about a week of leaving me alone, the bullies went back to all their same games… and they had some new games as well. This box is full of things they've sent me, and I want everyone to know what they did, why I was forced over the edge like this. They threatened you, Blaine. I could handle the rest of it, but when they started saying they would hurt you, kill you for being with me… I couldn't take it.'"

I felt tears falling down my cheeks, but ignored them, looking up. A few of the others, mostly the girls, were crying too. I sighed. "He… he says he's okay, but I don't know if I can really believe it… and I came up with an idea to make sure we all do everything we can to make him know we're all there for him."

I pulled a chair over and sat down. "I… I don't know how many of you have heard of the Trevor Project, but they have something called the 'It Gets Better' program. Part of it is that celebrities—actors, singers, athletes—they make these videos reaching out to LGBT youth, telling them that no matter how bad it seems, no matter how bad they get bullied, it will get better. I think, and Mr. Schuester here agrees with me, that we should put together a compilation of all of us sending our own little messages to Kurt. I've also talked to the Warblers, and they're on board to do a little… collaboration between glee clubs to sing Pink's 'Perfect' as background music to the video. Some of the Warblers want to say their own piece as well, as do Kurt's parents."

I paused, looking at them all, nervous now. "… What… do you guys think about that idea?"

They were all quiet, which didn't help my nerves at all. "… I think it's perfect," Puck finally said. "Since before he transferred, we said we'd be there for Kurt… and if this is how we can make him see that, make him believe it, we gotta do it."

The others were nodding quietly in agreement. I relaxed more, pulling the sheet music out of my bag and handing it out. "The Warblers will take care of the background sounds, so we won't need a band… and I'll have to get permission from Dalton Academy's dean, but I'm pretty sure we'll be able to use the recording studio we have there."

Rachel stared. "You have a recording studio?"

"Yes." I managed a small smile. "It's part of our music program, for people intending to major in various music fields in college. The Academy feels it gives them a head start over other students, and… well, we can definitely afford it, so we have it.

"We need to start rehearsing together right away," I finished, handing Mr. Schue the last copy I had with me. "If you guys can manage and carpool, I'd like all of you to go to Dalton today, right after school. The Warblers will be set up to start practicing right away."

As they began nodding in agreement, I watched them, feeling I'd forgotten something. "… Oh! There's one more thing." They all looked up, and I found myself hesitating, suddenly nervous about the idea I'd had. Could I do it?

… I could. For Kurt.

"Next year, I'm transferring to McKinley."

"Well duh!" Mercedes snorted. "And it's about time too."

"… What?" I blinked.

"Kurt needs you. He's not happy here." Brittany blinked. "Not without you here too. I think the week before he stopped coming to school, he ended up wearing the same outfit, like, three times…"

"Kurt loves you," Rachel said, the others nodding in agreement.

"And I love Kurt," I murmured with a smile. I paused and glanced at Mr. Schue. "As far as auditions for New Directions… I know you've heard me sing before, but I'd like you to see how I can hold up on my own. I have something prepared if you want to go ahead with it."

He blinked, but nodded. "Alright. Go ahead," he said, sitting down.

I moved over to the piano once more, sitting down, closing my eyes and letting my fingers settle over the keys before they began to play.

"There's a pale winter moon in the sky  
Coming through my window  
And the park is laid out  
Like a bed below  
It's a cold, dark night  
And my heart melts like the snow  
And the bells of New York City  
Tell me not to go..."

I opened my eyes, watching my hands, making sure I hit the notes perfectly. No matter what condition my mind was in from what Kurt had done—I was constantly worrying about him, looking for any sort of distraction because even though I loved him, I hated having to worry about him—I wanted to make this performance perfect.

"It's always this time of year  
That my thoughts undo me  
With the ghosts of many lifetimes  
All abound  
But from these mad heights  
I can always hear the sound  
Of the bells of New York City  
Singing all around

"Stay with me  
Stay with me  
Refuge from these broken dreams  
Wait right here  
Oh wait with me  
On silent snow filled streets..."

I closed my eyes again, finally letting myself think about Kurt, sing for Kurt. I understood just how lucky I had been in finding him before it was too late. I didn't know what I would do if I ended up losing him. I already had once.

I wasn't going to let it happen again, unless our love truly did die out… but I didn't see that happening. Not in the near future… not ever.

"Sing to me one song for joy  
And one for redemption  
And whatever is in between  
That I call mine  
With the street lamp light  
To illuminate the gray  
And the bells of New York City  
Calling me the stay  
The bells of New York City  
Calling me to stay..."

I let my voice and the piano music trail off, glancing over at the others. Some were nodding, others smiling, and all of them were clapping, including Mr. Schuester.

"I think you'll be a great addition to the club next year," he said with a smile. "Now that that's settled, it's time to start practicing!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... in my headcanon Dalton's a rich enough school to have a recording studio. Go me.
> 
> Song: Bells of New York City by Josh Groban (They need to get some Josh Groban music up in Glee, seriously. We had the guy. Now we need the tunes)
> 
> Also, the Trevor Project is a real thing, and anyone who needs it, call them. Seriously.
> 
> Also also, I love that Glee really did do Pink's "Perfect" <3


	6. Kurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not exactly sure why this ended up in 3rd person instead of 1st... oh well.

Two days. Two days Kurt had been stuck in the hospital for "monitoring". He understood that they were... concerned about his mental state, but he'd already promised a hundred times over that he wasn't going to do anything again. He'd promised Blaine, known what his boyfriend had gone through, seen it in his eyes even when he didn't say anything. He wouldn't leave Blaine, or his father, or anyone else.

When he was finally allowed to come home, it was to find that someone was waiting for him—someone he didn't expect to be right there, right then. "Blaine?" Blaine gave him that usual soft smile, but it didn't disguise the worry that was still in his eyes. Kurt's heart ached. His actions had hurt so many people, worst of all the one person he knew he loved most.

"Kurt... Welcome home," Blaine said with a soft smile, offering his hand, which Kurt took almost immediately.

"I have to go back to work," Carole said softly, resting a hand on Kurt's shoulder. He nodded in response, glancing between her and Blaine as they had some sort of silent conversation. Blaine nodded and Carole left, the door shutting quietly behind her.

"I have something to show you, Kurt," Blaine said softly, squeezing his hand and leading him upstairs. Kurt clutched the bag in his free hand, setting it down to the side when they made it to his room, glancing around and frowning, trying to figure out what Blaine was trying to show him. Everything looked the same... though he didn't know if he'd be able to go into his bathroom again.

Blaine steered him towards his bed and sat him down, grabbing the remote to his TV and DVD player before sitting next to him. "This," Blaine murmured, "is what I want to show you." He turned on the TV, then the DVD player, the video starting up almost immediately, briefly black while Blaine's voice came out of it. Kurt could detect the base of one of the Warblers in the background, creating the music.

"Made a wrong turn once or twice  
Dug my way out, blood and fire  
Bad decisions, that's alright  
Welcome to my silly life..."

The music flourished and suddenly he heard most, if not all, the rest of the Warblers joining in on the vocalization, and Kurt could already feel the tears in his eyes as Mercedes appeared on screen against a simple grey background. The Warblers continued to sing.

"Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood  
Miss, no it is all good  
It didn't slow me down..."

"Kurt..." Mercedes started in that soft voice she always got when she was trying to convince him of something, like when she tried to tell him that God existed when his dad had the heart attack. The music of the Warblers in the background softened. "I love you. You're my best friend. I know you've been through a lot of rough times lately but we all want you to know that we're here for you. That's what this video is for—so all of us can show you how much we care, no matter if you're at school where we can say it to your face, or at home when you're feeling a little down."

"Mistaken, always second guessin'  
Underestimated  
Look, I'm still around..."

The music came up to the chorus, and it sounded like the whole of New Directions had joined in with them. Mercedes faded into pictures of Kurt, mostly random candid shots, happy times before everything had gone downhill, both before he'd transferred to Dalton and after he'd gone back to McKinley.

"Pretty, pretty please  
Don't you ever, ever feel  
Like you're nothing less than perfect  
Pretty, pretty please  
If you ever, ever feel like you're nothing  
You are perfect to me

"You're so mean, when you talk  
About yourself, you were wrong..."

Noah came on screen while Rachel took over the next verse, the music softening once more, Warblers and New Directions alike still singing together. "Kurt, look. I know until I joined New Directions we were pretty much enemies... especially since I threw you in the dumpster on a daily basis... But that's not the point. You're m'boy and I hate that you didn't tell us about what was going on, y'know? We're a family. We woulda protected you."

Strangely enough, Kurt believed Noah's sincerity. It was a little... strange... thinking about him as anything similar to a friend, but as he continued, it was a little easier to grasp. "But anyway, that's not important now. You're coming back to us and that's all that matters. It'll get better, Kurt. I promise."

"Change the voices, in your head  
Make them like you, instead..."

Kurt could feel tears in his eyes as the music swelled once more, more pictures showing up, Blaine taking over in the vocals once more, real-time Blaine hugging Kurt close.

"So complicated, look how we all make it  
Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game  
It's enough, I've done all I can think of  
Chased down all my demons  
Let's see you do the same..."

Mercedes cut in with her usual amazing vocalizations as the chorus started up again. Kurt was fully crying by the time the rest of New Directions—sans Finn—said a few words each, laughing at Rachel's mention of "you need to keep fighting me for solos Kurt, because I need some healthy competition". The Warblers appeared next and said their piece for him, finishing up as the chorus ended, Artie and Puck bringing up the next verse, taking advantage of the "rapping" part of the song.

"The whole world's scared  
So I swallow the fear  
The only thing I should be drinking  
Is an ice cold beer  
So cool in line, and we try, try, try  
But we try too hard  
And it's a waste of my time  
Done lookin' for the critics  
'Cause they're everywhere  
They don't like my jeans  
They don't get my hair  
Estrange ourselves, and we do it all the time  
Why do we do that?  
Why do I do that?  
Why do I do that?"

Mercedes cut in with her vocals again as Finn, Carole, and Kurt's dad appeared. Kurt let out a dry sob before they even began.

"Kurt, we love you, first of all," Carole began, tears already running down her face. "We hate that you were in so much pain, that you were so scared and felt so alone. We've already told you that we will do anything it takes to help you."

"I promised your mother I would protect you," Kurt's dad said, his voice rough. "I had every intention of keeping that promise, too, and I still do. I love you, son, and I... I hate that you had to do what you did. I hate the people that made you do what you did."

"Kurt..." Finn was frowning, trying to figure out what to say by the confused look in his eyes. "Kurt, I wish I'd known what was going on. I wish you wouldn't have hidden it from me. You hid the death threats from Karofsky too and I just... I guess I don't understand what you were going through." It was rare to see emotion in Finn's eyes, but Kurt could see it clearly, even with the video. "You're my brother. Next time... come to me. Please. I'll do anything to protect you."

The video finished off with another chorus and more pictures. When it was dark and silent, Kurt expected it to be over.

Blaine came onto the screen.

Kurt tensed, curling into the real-time Blaine's side, trying so hard not to cry harder than he already was.

"Kurt." Those hazel eyes—the first thing he'd ever noticed about Blaine—were so full of emotion, and Kurt realized that he'd opted to say whatever he was about to say because he might have had a harder time saying it directly to Kurt's face. Real-time Blaine's arm tightened around him and he wondered if he was crying too, but he kept his eyes on the screen. "I know you know this already, but I love you. I put this together so you could see that so many people care about you and want to see you happy. I read the letter, the instructions. I..." Even talking to a camera, Blaine was obviously having a hard time continuing. "At first I couldn't believe that you would do that for me—protect me like you were trying to do. And then I realized... I realized that it was so incredibly you that I shouldn't have been surprised at all.

"I know it'll be hard. I know there will be days when both of us are still afraid that those... people will make true of their word and try to kill both of us. But I love you, Kurt. I love you and I'll do anything for you. It will get better, Kurt. If you ever feel alone, just think of me. Think of courage. Think of the Warblers and the New Directions and your family and you'll know you'll never be alone."

Blaine blew a kiss at the camera as the video faded out. Kurt looked up at the real-time Blaine and saw tears rolling slowly down his cheeks. Kurt reached up to wipe them away, then pulled him into a tight hug, sobbing into his shoulder. He stayed curled against Blaine for the longest time, thinking of the grave mistake he'd made, of how many people he'd hurt and were now thinking about him more than he deserved. 

"I love you," Blaine whispered, running a hand through Kurt's hair, gingerly so as not to mess it up.

"I love you too," Kurt croaked. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't," Blaine murmured. "Don't apologize. I don't blame you. Nobody does."

"They s-should!" Kurt pulled away. "I'm a horrible person!"

Blaine pulled him close again. "Don't say that! Please, Kurt, don't say that."

"Look at what I've done!" Kurt stayed close though, trying hard not to go back to sobbing. "Everyone's worried I'm going to go try to kill myself again! I just want things to be normal again!"

"They will be," Blaine soothed. "I promise, Kurt. One day, everything will be okay again."

Kurt sighed but nodded. "I hope so," he muttered, curling close to Blaine's side. The roller coaster of emotions was just exhausting, and all he wanted to do was sleep.

"You can sleep," Blaine said softly, as if reading his mind. "I'll be here when you wake up."

Kurt nodded, but before he drifted off, Blaine spoke up again. "Also... there's something I didn't mention on the video."

"What's that?" Kurt said, opening his eyes and looking up at him.

"I'm... transferring to McKinley next year," Blaine said softly, causing Kurt to sit up straight, suddenly not so tired. "I can't stand being away from you anymore, Kurt."

"Oh Blaine..." Kurt pulled him into a tight hug. "I love you."

"I love you too," Blaine said with a smile, gently lying down with him, back to gently stroking his hair. "Sleep now. We'll talk more when you wake up. I promise."

Kurt nodded, feeling for the first time since he'd first started thinking about suicide, things were finally getting better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end.


End file.
